The Training Consultant’s crux

Skilled Incompetence: An individual who is highly skilled at protecting oneself from pain and threat posed by learning situations

(Chris Argyris, Harvard)

“Stuck! The deadly meeting”

Here we go again. I am framed. This is it: stuck here with a bunch of techies talking about unbelievably boring staff. Can I survive this one? What do this people do when they are home? I feel like the career builder commercial. Why did I get into this? Is this the wrong room, the wrong meeting? No. It is the right one. This is the room for the project functional design review. And the people around me are the developers of my project. Yes they are nice people, just totally clueless about how to keep this moving, alive. The meeting convener asked me 10 minutes ago, before the meeting started if “I had some tricks to elicit participation” Should I be offended? I contributed just to share, the giant post it notes. But I should have not. I gave up on convincing them what kind of planning, design, skills it takes to run a successful meeting. I think I should remove this validation” said someone. I like validations. I long for them. Why should we remove them? I do not speak Farsi. How would you feel in a meeting with people reviewing a document in Farsi? My foreign language skills do not work. I say potato, you say “EALG after soap request containing IPS attributes”.

Maybe I should take foreign language lessons. Where do I go to learn their lingo? Should I become a techie myself?  And end up dressing that way? If I want to escape reality I may turn myself to ascetic life or radical politics. Why should I run away from the world to code a database? Wait a minute, it is not fair! They only exhibit a markedly different mindset, more analytical, mathematical, sequential coupled with dry humor and an amazingly low warmth in human relations. So what? Why is that worse than a friendly, synthetic, more random and emotional mind? In the meantime the meeting continues. I still do not understand the guy when he speaks: a deadly combination: strong accent and incomprehensible content in his prose. Shall I take a break? Wait! A moment of sanity! Someone started talking about lunch!

The final diary of my Classroom Timer

I do keep a bag with markers, mp3 player, pens, a bell and a timer in a box for use in my classroom sessions. I never thought it would become the subject of the following drama  

by Rory McLean, Former Lead Developer of my team

Another day in the box with the other “toys”. I’m crushed up against a cupie doll that has eyes and ears that expand when you squeeze it. I can’t believe a serious electronic device like me if forced to share space with a cupie doll…I have three split times for Christ’s sake…this is outrageous…I should be in a hand-crafted box. What’s worse is that my backside is crushed against the cupie doll and I don’t know what else expands when he’s squeezed. I pray that nobody sits on the box.

Wednesday:
I can’t really tell what’s going on since the plastic box is so cloudy. Adriano might have a training class…maybe I can finally get out of here. He’s running around, showing a screen to everyone. It looks like the zoom button screen. I can’t tell. Maybe we’re training some FBA folks.

Thursday:
No meeting…damn. Adriano did open the box to take the bell for a little bit. When bell returned he said it was just the weekly departmental meeting and they would ring him so nobody could abuse our friend Kenny for more than three minutes.

Friday:
I can’t take it any longer. Some people say they like the smell of markers but try smelling “grape” for five days straight. …But I do have a plan. I’m setting off my alarm and that should get attention.

Late Friday Night:
The alarm didn’t get Adriano’s attention. Someone else was here a few minutes ago, but couldn’t locate me and left.

Saturday:
Alarm is still going off…but nobody can hear me. I feel so lonely. The drain on my batteries is scaring me.

Sunday:
No hope. Alarm is starting to make a sick chirping noise. No energy left. Tell Adriano I was always there for himmmmmm…..

HOW TO WRITE GOOD!

I have found this on-line. It is so much fun that I would like to put it on my blog! Hope you enjoy it.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
8. Be more or less specific.
9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s
highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earthshaking ideas.
25. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
26. Eliminate famous quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know.”
27. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
28. Puns are for children, not for groan readers.
29. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
30. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
31. Who needs rhetorical questions?
32. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally…
33. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.